Everyone wants to be appreciated. The person who gives appreciation gains leverage over those who receive it. This is not because appreciation is dishonest (it can be) but because being appreciated is powerful. When someone praises your work, praises your intelligence, praises your appearance, they trigger positive emotion. You become favorable toward them. Over time, you begin to prefer their company, seek their approval, and grant them favors. Flattery is a tool for generating loyalty.
Humans have a strong drive for social approval. Praise activates reward centers in the brain. Being appreciated feels good. The person who provides approval becomes associated with that good feeling. This creates a behavioral pattern: you gravitate toward people who approve of you and away from those who do not. The person who understands this can use flattery strategically to build following.
The Genuine Flattery The most effective flattery is based in truth. You notice something true about the person—something they genuinely did well, something they are actually good at—and you praise it. The praise is real, but its timing and degree are strategic. You emphasize the positive and omit the negative.
The Targeting of Insecurity More sophisticated flattery targets insecurity. The person who is insecure about intelligence appreciates intellectual flattery more than a person confident in their intelligence. By targeting flattery to the specific insecurity, you make the flattery more powerful because it addresses the specific need.
The Scarcity of Appreciation Flattery is more powerful when appreciation is rare. If everyone praises the person, your flattery is lost in the noise. If you are selective and others are not, your flattery stands out. The scarcity of your appreciation makes it more valuable.
A junior person wants to gain influence with a senior person. The junior person notices that the senior person is insecure about their relevance in the modern context. The junior person praises the senior person's understanding of current trends, their adaptability, their willingness to learn. The senior person receives this appreciation and becomes favorable toward the junior person. Over time, the junior person has built significant influence through strategic flattery.
If the junior person had instead offered generic praise ("you're great at your job"), it would be lost among other flattery and would be ineffective. The targeted, specific, genuine-but-strategically-timed flattery is most powerful.
Greene's Laws 2 (Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends, Learn How to Use Enemies) and 44 (Disarm and Infect with Your Target's Strategies) both involve strategic use of flattery and appreciation.
Level 1: Identify the Target's Insecurities What does this person want to be seen as? What are they insecure about? This is where flattery will be most powerful.
Level 2: Identify Genuine Positive Traits What is this person actually good at? What have they genuinely accomplished? Find the real basis for flattery.
Level 3: Deliver Strategic Flattery Praise them specifically on the genuine traits that address their insecurities. "Your ability to understand people is remarkable—I think that's what makes you such an effective leader." The praise is true, specific, and targets the insecurity.
Level 4: Maintain Authenticity Do not praise indiscriminately. Your flattery should be rare and targeted, not constant. This makes it more valuable. Also ensure flattery is genuine—transparent flattery is offensive and counterproductive.
Level 5: Build Through Appreciation Use appreciation to deepen the relationship. When the person does something you appreciate, tell them. The consistent appreciation builds a positive association with you.
The warning sign: the person has realized your flattery is strategic and is calculating rather than genuine. You have praised them too much or too indiscriminately. The realization undermines the flattery's effectiveness and makes you appear manipulative.
The corrective: maintain genuine appreciation. Do not praise indiscriminately. When you offer flattery, ensure it is real and targeted. This maintains credibility and keeps flattery effective.
Greene's principle (Laws 2, 44) assumes flattery is effective for building loyalty. Psychological research on social approval confirms this is true. Yet tension exists: people can distinguish between genuine and false flattery, and false flattery can backfire. The most effective flattery is genuinely meant even if strategically deployed.
Psychology — Social Approval and Belongingness Psychological research shows that social approval activates reward centers and drives behavior. Greene's strategy exploits this biological mechanism. The handshake: flattery works not because people are stupid but because approval triggers real neurobiological responses.
Behavioral Mechanics — Sacrifice as Social Currency Flattery and appreciation are a form of sacrifice—giving attention and praise to someone else. This creates the sense of relationship and obligation. The handshake: appreciation, like sacrifice, creates psychological indebtedness.
The Sharpest Implication If flattery and appreciation are strategic tools for building loyalty, then the person most skilled at offering genuine praise will accumulate the most loyal followers. This creates a perverse outcome: manipulative people who are good at flattery accumulate more loyalty than honest people who do not strategically deploy flattery. The implication is that strategic kindness (kindness calculated for effect) outcompetes authentic kindness (kindness without calculation) in accumulating loyalty.
Generative Questions